10 Month Mama's

It Hurts to Be a Ten Month Mama

By Leilah McCracken

http://www.motherbaby-collective.com/content/view/27/49/

Reading this made me feel better today

:)

"As each day passes my body is one step closer to preparing for the birth of this baby "

"As each day passes my body is one step closer to preparing for the birth of this baby"

"As each day passes my body is one step closer to preparing for the birth of this baby"

"As each day passes my body is one step closer to preparing for the birth of this baby"

"As each day passes my body is one step closer to preparing for the birth of this baby"

Something to keep me going...

Mountain after mountain

It's amazing how things can creep up out of nowhere to remind you of how you really feel. I'm feeling overwhelmed as of late. All these mountains to climb. You climb one only to discover another right there in front of you. It hurts and it sucks. I'm not in a great head space.

I feel a cycle ending almost. Well not ending completely or forever as such, this will never end. I have an amazing amount of unpacking to do yet. I lay in the bath tonight looking at my full moon belly and all I feel is loss and sadness. Mourning the births my first two babes never got.

I feel guilty.

I lay there and the flashbacks return. All I could think was who held my baby while I was alone in a dark room? Why didn't I get to hold him? Then the tears fell...

I've gone so long without those feelings and memories. It was too good to be true.

Bush flower essences help but it's not a solution is it? It allows for coping but how will I ever be ready and okay? It hurts.

Sigh

I don't know what else to say tonight...

The freedom of freebirth

Freedom...
That seems to be a word I'm feeling and using a lot over these past few weeks.

What does it really mean?

Online Dictionary

• The state of being free or at liberty rather than in confinement or under physical restraint2.
  exemption from external control, interference, regulation, etc.
• The power to determine action without restraint.
• Philosophy-The power to exercise choice and make decisions without constraint from within or without; autonomy; self-determination.

I hear comments all the time, more than I'd like to in fact about what I'm going to do if I go over the magic 40 week mark or other stupid things that I've omitted from my memory. The most amazing thing about taking responsibility for my pregnancy? I don't have to do anything, be anywhere, scan or test anything. I'm free.

It's up to me, what I do and how I do it.

I had a discussion with a friend the other day and she asked me how this pregnancy has compared to the other two. It was an interesting thought.

Despite having what some would call two very 'textbook' pregnancies they were at the same time medical pregnancies. This time I have looked after myself and learnt to take ownership of my body and my baby.

I am free, enjoying the freedom of pregnancy without restraint, external control and interference!

Out from under a rock

So it would seem I'm still absolutely hopeless at maintaining a regular blog. Ahh well I'm sure the world kept going without me and my posting over-emotional pregnant nonsense.





So where I'm at...







I'm ready.



I feel like a womyn with passion and a purpose. I feel honoured and strong and capable. I feel the wild womyn lurking deep within me and she comes closer and closer to the surface as each day passes. I feel her in my bones, pulsing through my blood and into my heart. She is holding me, pushing me and most of all she is there, watching and waiting for when I call her to my side.

She is power

She is instinct

She is knowledge

She is strength

She is love and passion

She is within

She is waiting...

It's all sinking in

I've reached 35 weeks and generally this is the time I go a little bit crazy and start doing all that unnecessary nesting when I should be chilling out. I can't help it. I'm a neat freak and one that likes lists! :) Hey, there is nothing wrong with being organised. I'm sure that will all go out the window when this baby makes an appearance!

We spent the weekend shopping and gathering all our supplies for the birth, yay for Bunnings! I'm now feeling ready! Well sort of...

I'm putting everything into our birth box and making sure Brendan knows where it all is before I'm waaaaaaaaay too consumed with other things if you know what I mean. The last thing I want is to be asked where stuff is.

It's actually an exciting time these last few weeks. It's setting in that there will be another little person here soon and we can't wait to meet them!

The journey we've all had to get to this point has been so intense at times but I'm so glad we are here now, ready to bring this baby into the world, the way it should be. Gently and without pain and heartache and on MY terms.

Birth trauma is something that takes a lot of work to overcome in order for some healing to occur. Good births don't fix bad ones and I'm well aware that I've got a long path to lead before I'm anywhere near healed. The important thing is that I'm working on it.