Improvements

I'm feeling better. It's been a couple of days since my last migrane and the 'sick' feeling is almost gone. Hooray! I dont know I would have coped for weeks of it on end.
I was thinking though, that those sort of physical symptoms have a lot to do with our emotional state of mind too. I know I was still sort of coming to terms with the fact that I'm pregnant and also having major anxiety attacks over the fact that I need to emotionally prepare for birth at home and facing those fears.

So I've been sent a heap of vbac and vba multi c/s research papers and case studies to read over and I have to say I'm in a much better frame of mind. I've splurged and ordered quite a few books from Amazon. It also helps being a part of the Joyous Birth community, where I'm exposed to such inspiring women and their amazing birthing journey's. I'll be one of them too!

My boss has taken a great interest in my birth plans. She knows my history in relation to birth experiences. I'm sort of annoyed that she's going to be so curious. She's already asked me about my plans for this birth and who I'll have there. I said in short that I'll be at home with my fiancee and most likely two Doula's. I said I'd only be going to hospital in an emergency situation. I could see her fidgeting and really holding back. She really wanted to say something. I could see she really wanted to say more.
She has suggested I look into Hypnosis in order to overcome some fears and trauma related to my past birth experiences. She believes it has quite positive and effective results. I'm not so sure. I will look into it though. After asking me about my plans for this birth she has asked me to consider having a midwife. I really wish I asked her why. I wonder what sort of response she would have come up with.

I'm feeling so much more positive about being pregnant and birthing at the moment. I'm sure there will be good days and bad ones too but as long as we can recover from them and continue on our journey it's all ok.

I dont like this...

I had such fantastic plans to enjoy blogging and sharing my pregnancy. I did not want this to turn into a whinge session. But this is how I'm feeling, so that's what I'll say.

After overcoming the suprise news we were indeed thrilled and a little overwhelmed that I am carrying another child and will be birthing again, albeit a wee bit sooner than expected!

I've been so ill and spent most of the weekend in bed with a migrane. It was Alexander's Birthday weekend too so I felt like an awful cranky and sick mama. I've never in my life experienced this sort of nausea and on/off migrane. The nasuea lasts all day and night, no not just "mornings" It's so foul and plain yuck. I feel like I need a good vomit and it will all go away. You know how you always feel a million times better after a good vomit!

It was so bad I had to make an emergency trip to a GP I'd never been to before. Panadol wasn't even touching the sides. I really didn't want to see a GP. I had plans of just continuing on as normal with this pergnancy, no tests, scans or doctors visits etc. My homoepathic nausea spray wasn't working either. So off to the GP I went.
As I'd never been to this doctor she had to get a little history. Things like allergies, previous pregnancies and the births etc.

At this moment I really wished DP was there to argue for me. I was too ill to do anything but nod and mumble the answers for her.

She asked me all the "routine" questions about LMP and my cycle etc then proceeds to print off blood forms and a dating scan form and says "I know you've done this before, it's all routine stuff." Arrgh all I wanted was some form of pain relief for the migrane!

She then feels the need to inform me that when I've had the "routine" tests to come back and she'll kindly refer me to the hospital for my ante-natal care and did I know that they wont let me even try this time, I'll be booked for a c/section straight away!?

I just couldn't put the words together. I was too ill to speak. I smiled and nodded.
So she wrote me a script for maxalon and told me to take some panadeine, go home and sleep.
I wont be seeing her again.
I'm actually glad that I didnt have to go to my regular GP because I want to be prepared when I tell them all where to go when it comes to MY birth!

On a more bizarre note, I keep having this dream where I decide that I have another c/s. It is so real and awful and scary. Then my braingoes into overdrive and I question my reasoning behind wanting to birth. I think to myself why do some women choose another c/s? Why is it ok with them?
I hate how I question myself. It just gets me more confusing. I do see it's obviously a deep fear or some form of subconsious issue there...

Run out of time...
Back later:)