I finally sucked it up, tamed my tigers and looked the fear straight in the eye.
If I haven't been in contact with the medical model of care for this pregnancy then why was I feeling so intimidated and scared by their calls? Why was it holding me, covering me with a dark cloud?
I know why. Because I was letting it.
Despite separating myself from the hospital system I was still feeling as though it was in control. I wasn't standing up for myself. My very own fears were realised.
I was afraid of the outcome. Afraid of actually needing to go there. All of this may be trivial but it was a real fear deep within me. It may have just been a woman trying to arrange antenatal care, simple? Not for me. There was much more to it than that.
Enough was enough.
So I called back. I simply said I had arranged private care and wouldn't be needing to use the clinic at the hospital. She said thanks for letting them know and that was that.
End of story.
So simple yet so difficult for me.
I felt better.
So it's now 32 weeks.
I cannot believe I'll have a little baby here so soon.
I feel like I'm running out of time and still have so much to do.
I've finally finished Birthing from Within and am now reading Unnasisted Childbirth.
I finished my Blessingway Invitations and they are stunning, if I do say so myself!
I'm very excited about gathering with friends and honouring my pregnancy.